THE PANDEMIC EXPERIENCE

$10.00

HAVE YOU EVER WANTED TO EXPERIENCE WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO LIVE THROUGH A PANDEMIC? WELL NOW YOU CAN!

YOUR OBJECTIVE IS SIMPLE: DO NOT PHYSICALLY INTERACT WITH OTHERS. HOW YOU ACCOMPLISH THIS IS UP TO YOU.

WE RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING:

  • STAY AT HOME AT ALL COSTS
  • DON’T SEE YOUR FRIENDS (BONUS POINTS: DON’T SEE YOUR ENEMIES)
  • ORDER FOOD TO YOUR DOOR AND PLAY THE HOME ALONE VIDEO AT FULL VOLUME WHEN THE PIZZA GUY ARRIVES, YOU FILTHY ANIMAL
  • WALK TO THE FRIDGE MULTIPLE TIMES A DAY TO GET SNACKS (YOU NEED TO GET YOUR STEPS IN)
  • WASH YOUR HANDS EVERY HOUR WHILE SINGING BABY SHARK TO ENSURE APPROPRIATE LENGTH OF SCRUBBING
  • IF YOU MUST GO OUTSIDE, ENSURE THAT YOU WEAR YOUR FINEST HALLOWEEN MASK THAT COVERS BOTH MOUTH AND NOSE
  • POST PICTURES OF ALL ZOOM HANG-OUTS, CULINARY ENDEAVORS, AND DANCE/WORKOUT ROUTINES TO SOCIAL MEDIA (DON’T FORGET TO TAG #HVRTINGPANDEMIC)

FOR THOSE THAT WANT TO ADJUST THEIR EXPERIENCE, WE RECOMMEND THE FOLLOWING DIFFICULTY LEVELS:

  • EASY MODE: DON’T WEAR PANTS FOR THE EXPERIENCE
  • HARD MODE: PRETEND THE FLOOR IS LAVA TOO.
  • WATERBOARD MODE: KEEP YOUR FACE-MASK COVERING SKIN TIGHT AND WET. CONTINUE TO ADD WATER TO DESIRED COMFORT LEVEL.
  • INSANE DIFFICULTY (FOR INTROVERTS): GO ON TWO ZOOM CALLS A DAY
  • INSANE DIFFICULTY (FOR EXTROVERTS): DO NOT USE YOUR PHONE OR COMPUTER THE ENTIRE TIME

THIS IS A VIRTUAL EXPERIENCE THAT YOU, AS THE AUDIENCE, CAN CURATE FROM THE COMFORT OF YOUR OWN HOME. WE PROVIDE THE FRAMEWORK, YOU PROVIDE THE MENTAL ANGUISH!

ONCE YOU SIGN UP, NO SAFE WORD WILL BE GIVEN.

THE EXPERIENCE RUNS FROM NOW UNTIL MAY 15TH, WITH POTENTIAL FOR AN EXTENSION.

7 in stock


SKU PANDEMIC Category

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